Sat. Dec 13. A sad day again this week

So I haven't really blogged because life is going by so fast... Wednesday one of my best friends went home to be with the Lord. How I feel cheated. I was suppose to get together with her here sometime in the next near future... I was attempting to convince her of Branson, and she me back to the great NW. Either way we were gonna get together.. pray , laugh, and eat toast!!!!!!!
This woman was AMAZING!!!! Adopting child after child, she fostered, and brought the hard cases to her home, she nurtured and loved and taught them to work through their disabilities and make them work positive for them. Being one of the first families in Kitsap county to adopt a sibling group of African American children. She loved her kids and ours.. everyone's. She was a counselor for drug and alcohol in the local school system. She mentored young and old...always showing the love and grace of Jesus. Norma, my heart broke for a minute my dear sweet friend and sister, but it was quickly filled with joy knowing that you & I are not over... we will reunite one day with the King. WOOT!

On another sad note.. I am sitting on my computer in the spare bedroom.. writing this blog, when at 3:45 this morning I was up and heading to the car, excited because Lorry agreed to drive me to Ohio so I could see the grand daughter. I loaded the back with tons of pressies, birthday and Christmas for her and Christmas for Noah. It was cold and dark, but I was feeling warm and excited... in just 8.5 hrs I would be hopefully holding and loving on that sweet baby girl, and when she warmed up to me and her new fat fluffy baby I was bringing that wasn't wrapped because it was just a from Nana pressy for no other reason... then I would watch her tear into her birthday gifts... and tonight, I would be sitting with her on my lap hopefully rocking her reading her one of the many books I bought her.
But as I stated, here I sit... and brokenhearted... We only got about an hour an half away when my belly pain was getting worse.. I had ignored it when it started after the first 30 minutes, but by then... I couldn't....I prayed... I held my breath, and finally I told Lorry... this trip can't happen. Once home I immediately took a pain pill, which I had already stopped taking days ago..and went to bed... waking after 10... depressed.
I can handle the fact that I am not getting to see the girls.. but since I can blog freely here... I cant help feel that Cassie will think less of me for not making it. So many of "OUR" issues are about me not doing what I say... (childhood interpretations, and offenses grew) my lack of communicating with her.... the enemy tells me in my mind.. she doesn't even think you got in the car.. she thinks you lied ... or the worse of it all.. it doesn't even matter to her because:
A) I am not her mom
B)She didn't really think I would come anyway
C) There isn't no need for me, they have Joshuas' mom that comes often.

yeah, I live in shadows of hurts from the past... but I know there is deliverance in Jesus.

so.... no baby smooches for me.... and writing this I have started bawling like a silly baby so I will close this off...

WHEW! Life...whatta ride! :o)

The Tree pt 2

Tree is up and some decorations are in place.. I think that this will be all for this year, which still leaves a garage full of villages, and mistletoe. But its' ok.. THIS YEAR
The tree all lit.. some of my pictures looked like dancing music notes. Check out my myspace to see all the pics... :o)
The window.. every since I was a small child at Disneyland, animated windows are my favorite... how I want to own hundreds of figurines and have HUGE windows....one day... maybe.... :o)
As the girls are decorating the tree


I don't even mind the messes that happen as they dig throw the treasured ornaments and delicate homemade art...eventually it all gets done... and it smells pretty, it looks beautiful...and yes Angela, I laid under the tree and watched the lights throw the branches... it did make it magical.

Amazing day out of the HOUSE!

I got out of the house today, and it was amazing! I did finally go and get a tree. Its' filling my house with slight pine as I type this, unfortunately it is still bound up and resting in the tree stand in the kitchen at the moment. I was too tired when we got home from the tree farm to have the girls move the furniture around to set up the tree by the window. My poor little house is crowded so. Oh well, it meets the needs, maybe not the wants but the needs just fine.

Here are the girls out finding the perfect tree...

Well, Sarha thought she was being funny!

I was trying to get the pictures to be in differences places on the layout, but too tired to fuss with it.
So I think I found out that Chloe was born on the 10th, so I was 2 days early. I can't ask, because it could just add a wedge between me and her mom...one that I work so hard on getting rid of it.

After coming home and taking a nap we went to Wal Mart, and I walked the whole store bout. I bought a few groceries, and finally bought Christmas cards. Another year that I haven't gotten around to make some....I envy those that get to craft.
I bought some new sheets... light blue this time... think lighter is better than darker...I also bought a bag of fake apples. They look so pretty. Not sure if I want to add them to the tree, or if I want to make a centerpiece.. will figure that all out soon...i hope. lol

Well, the holiday movies are singing in the other room, and I think I will make myself a cup of coffee and enjoy one or two before bed.

May you have a blessed evening!

Went to church

today I went to church.. first time in over a month I think. It was good to be there. If only I could take the people from here and add a Pastor like the ones I left in Wa. I would be so happy. The church in Wa. didnt always have the friendliest folks... most were, and I did a lot of volunteering at a time and was in quite a few classes, so I knew a lot of people...but there were some that were very hard to read or get to know. But I learned a lot.. the ministry was anointed... not so much at my lil church here... people are amazing.. everything I wanted.. but the teaching is... sadly... stagnant at times...
but it was great to be back, and to of been missed.

Robert strung lights... he did find the staple gun at church.. I knew he would.. I am always doing something there... lol and he finally found the box of lights and extension cords he was missing... so he strung some lights.. he isnt done just yet... but the photos are the beginning of the pre~lit yard...

Lorry is coming to visit next week, I am excited

the grandbaby is one..i missed her birth and her birthday..and to be honest here on theis blog i am not quite sure if her bd is today or was yesterday,,, OH MY...

I am feeling better today...stayed out of bed all day...

still no tree.. tomorrow for sure I told cassandra she is driving me to the Christmas tree lot first thing in the morning.. no more waiting.. haha

a lot in my head.. and yet words dont seem to fit...
think i will get a glass of wine if we have any and go read a bit...

dr visit & sweetest hubby

so I went and had the staples removed.. there is still a hole, so there is drainage ...that I have to take care of daily...GROSS... everything looked well, and I go back next friday. still can't drive or go to work. :o(

anyway, also went and had my eyes checked.. everything looked well, and my diabetes hasn't effected my eyes as of yet..Thank you God!.. I will need glasses, but at 44 I can handle that. haha

the best part of the day is when I came home hubby was decorating the outside for me... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! made my day... then he topped it off by taking me to Lowes and Wal Mart to get some new decorations as well.. so this year for my Christmas pressies from him I received a carousel that has swinging Santa, a penguin, twin snowmen, and a polar bear. He also got me the santa and 3 reindeer on a teeter totter, and a 8' snowman *the air bown ones* ... SO EXCITED!!!!

still no tree up yet, but tomorrow I know we will get one up. YAH!
My oldest Goddaughter talked about liking ot lay under the tree and look at the lights from underneath... I have always liked looking at the tree in the dark... in the quiet and from any angles... this yr I will lay underneath it some to see that direction... usually as soon as the tree is up its filled with pressies... so far I have bought very few this year...I am not sure if I will do colored lights this year or white... guess I will figure that out tomorrow.

ok back to Hancock.. if it wasnt for all the cussing it would be a pretty good movie... i do like that its a different from the normal super hero flicks.. thoughand Will Smith is an amazing actor and nice to look at.. haha

gonna try to look for a tree

spent 20 minutes in the ER this morning... sat up in bed and there was a rush of liquid... seems a staple came loose and allowed the tissue fluid to escape.. Dr. said it happens.. he drained a lot of it.. took the loose staple out, and dressed it... I go see my OB tomorrow...so ?? I am off to have Cass take me to look for a Christmas tree. I have to get one soon, I need the feeling of Christmas to fill this house... think I am starting to get a lil depressed... ok until later...

One week without my uterus

LOL.. whatta tittle... in between sleeping this evening that what I was thinking of.. its' been a week since my surgery...silly me fell asleep with TLC on...and woke to A BABY STORY...so I watched it... then I cried... now at 44 I really don't believe that I would want to have a baby... though I always wanted babies and adopted any and all I cold as even a young kid. Always taking seriously raising, loving, nurturing, directing, children... always letting their parents know I was available for forevers.. haha

But, one week later and I know that I will only ever know the feeling of birthing one child.

I remember when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer 7 yrs ago, and I remember being ready for the surgery and then being HEALED... I thought ...I was going to have another baby or even two.

I am thankful that even with this problem I had, there was NO CANCER, no where... still healed, always healed.. the devil tried to lie but I stood and clung to my Savior...though at times I may of started to waiver a bit, I spoke truth to myself and proclaimed the promises of Jesus.

Today was another reality dose watching the show, no more birth for me... I get to do as I have done pretty much all my life, sit on the sidelines and watch as new life comes around me, be happy for those, and love unconditionally the children that I am blessed with.

Do I feel any less of of a woman? Not really, I am still very swollen and bloated, and the pain is more of discomfort, and it constantly reminds me I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! ha... The actual belly weight right over my incision is most dreadful.

I am thankful ...one week later and I haven't become the bearded fat lady! :O)

Still no Christmas decorations up... Cassandra actually went out and bought herself a tree and some decorations and lights.. YAH! There is hope for my Scrooge of a daughter. LOL

Anyway, I will stop here.. dont think I need to blog hours worth... then again who really reads them? haha

Time for a pill and cuddle with the hubby. Until next blog.