In the midst of the torn wrapping and ribbons

Well Christmas has come & gone... so has the company. The tree was filled over flowing and there was no room in the inn... ok no room in my small livingroom. Santa was trapped by the colorful boxes and bows, and would surprise us with a song and a dance.





Whew!



I would like to write about just how much I enjoyed Christmas....but that wouldn't be very long. Actually that too is a lie.. I enjoyed it in a whole other way, what I didn't enjoy was how tired and sore I was, and how I missed out yet again time with family & friends... and why do ask I missed out?

I had to work..and I had to work all day... which set my mood to sad.
I asked my cook who is a young mom, which she wanted off... she was scheduled to work both days. Being a mom with a small kid I wanted to help her out. Well, she wanted the eve off since that was when they all went and did things...so cool
Well I went in at 430 in the morning, Christmas morn just to make sure it was all done and ready to go.. I prepped everything the day before. I came home at 630 to wake the house and see what Santa brought and open pressies. Expecting my cook to be in at 8, 10 at the latest. I got a text... sprained ankle.. not coming in...UGH!!!!
SO I went back at 830, left again at 1230 to 230 to have supper with the family and back to work and home again at 645!!!! :o(

yep it sucks to be boss sometimes! I cant wait to have my own restaurant one day!!!
Anyway what was cool was being with the girls ... they were all depressed away from home, but we turned it around and did such a good job on the dinner, and they wanted to bless the food. :o)


anyway. I uploaded pics on my myspace so I am too tired to finish this blog. Off to bed.

will eventually catch up. lol

Went and saw the Nutcracker tonight.

The girls, Rob and I went to see the Nutcracker tonight. It was done by a local performing arts ballet company. Its' a school, so they're were students. I enjoyed especially the 2 or 3 yr olds that would wave to their parents.. forget where they were, forget their steps... watch to know which step... be so caught up in smiling and waving the troop would start moving and they would have to RUN to catch up... classic tv move. It was fun. My body hurt from the tiny chairs and sitting so long... I stood at intermission...but I am hurting. Worked til 12:15 today from 7:45..tomorrow could be a longer day...NOT that I want it o. But I think I will have to put in some time on Christmas Eve... I want my cook to be with her family, she has a young daughter.. the other cook... missed hers last year cause she had to cook and be there.
SO? I can do it.
Anyway... day was a lil better from the pile this morning! haha
I made peanut butter balls for the jail today...
.3C rice crispies, 2 C Peanut butter, 1 stick of butter and about a box of powder sugar ( also add a tsp of vanilla) melt the butter, and peanut butter pour on rice crispies.. add sugar and vanilla mix and crunch and form in hands... you can either let the balls chill for 3 hrs and then dip in chocolate or do like I did and roll in extra powder sugar...
only Christmas baking and it was for the jail.. lol.. the girls liked them... I used the rice crispies cause it makes it stretch, you can omit the cereal and just roll the balls...(add more sugar though) and rum extract if ya like...
ok I am tired ...heading off to the bed to have sweet dreams and wake ready to conquer the menu for Christmas! WOOT!

easy recipe and fun for the kiddos...

Whatta Way to Wake up

so here it is a few minutes before 5. I am steadily having this dream...I was on a bus with kids... basically all I can remember now.

and then I start smelling DOG POOP yep... you're right.

so I wake up... and I can still smell it. Now I have sleep apnea..I WEAR A MASK!!!!! It had to be ON MY BED to smell it like this!!! SO I sit up, take off my mask, adjust my tired eyes and look around... my bedroom door is only cracked..about the same as when I went to bed, so I got up and came into the living room.

I still could smell it so from the lights of the tree I peer around.. there are those 2 mutts asleep (or pretending to be) on the floor. Yep I can smell it so I go on the great DOG poop hunt... I turn on lights I look in the bathroom, the dinning room the kitchen...I dont see any... could I be mistaken? Is it after all my own breath?

SO then I realize I did not go and put my laundry in the dryer last night & forgot to ask Cass to do it. SO oh! GOOD THING.. I need em for work... maybe that is why I woke up....so I go back into my bedroom, find my slippers and robe and head back through the living room

WHERE OH MY GOOOOOOODNESS

there is this HUGE pile of POOP.. how did I miss it???? so either Kia Sophia was laying by my door and farting to wake me.. or God was giving me a quick...heads up... or I completely missed that 5' high smoldering pile. LOL


Anyone toss their cookies yet? Yeah, I know... blogging about dog poop!
SO I threw the dogs outside... went and got wal mart bags...cleaners and towels and cleaned it up.

Whatta way to wake up!
My day only has to get better!

Yawns and soreness

Bundled up to get ready to freeze this am..and it was so warm..it was a shock to my senses.

Lorry went home & made it. We didnt get to do anything really..and that bites. MY tummy hurts a lil, but its ok. Christmas is so close.. I hope I can bake some cookies this weekend .. I wanna in memory of Becky. She loved to bake, and this time last year she was in the hospital and had just learned of her cancer on Christmas.. Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas to you! *ugh*

Anyway... wanna have Rob relieve some of the pressure and then I think I will take a tylenol and head to bed...

tomorrow is a new day!!!
:o)

Thursday morning

I have decided I really do need a hair cut and style. I can no longer do anything with the hair, its' thin and stringy and at 44..not a look I want. haha
Here is a pic of me and my momma this past Sunday after church. She is 79 years old and is still doing great! I am so thankful to God for this time with her.

Its' been real icy here the last couple of days, but the roads have melted and the idiots (lol) are driving even faster now to make up for the 2 days they couldn't drive or had to drive at crawl pace.

Lorry is here for the week from Missouri. We havent gotten to do a WHOLE bunch, cause I have been going to work, which I think for only a couple of hours and have to stay the whole day or long parts because of the weather. *UGH*

I am hoping today we can go get mani/pedis'. and maybe I will get my hair done. I have to borrow that cash form her..since not working my extra $$$ is GONE...so... oh well.

Anyway, decorations are up ( a few..and its nice) friends are around, have my momma close and my sisters...hubby is well, kids are doign good... Jesus is my Savior. All is GOOD!

Sat. Dec 13. A sad day again this week

So I haven't really blogged because life is going by so fast... Wednesday one of my best friends went home to be with the Lord. How I feel cheated. I was suppose to get together with her here sometime in the next near future... I was attempting to convince her of Branson, and she me back to the great NW. Either way we were gonna get together.. pray , laugh, and eat toast!!!!!!!
This woman was AMAZING!!!! Adopting child after child, she fostered, and brought the hard cases to her home, she nurtured and loved and taught them to work through their disabilities and make them work positive for them. Being one of the first families in Kitsap county to adopt a sibling group of African American children. She loved her kids and ours.. everyone's. She was a counselor for drug and alcohol in the local school system. She mentored young and old...always showing the love and grace of Jesus. Norma, my heart broke for a minute my dear sweet friend and sister, but it was quickly filled with joy knowing that you & I are not over... we will reunite one day with the King. WOOT!

On another sad note.. I am sitting on my computer in the spare bedroom.. writing this blog, when at 3:45 this morning I was up and heading to the car, excited because Lorry agreed to drive me to Ohio so I could see the grand daughter. I loaded the back with tons of pressies, birthday and Christmas for her and Christmas for Noah. It was cold and dark, but I was feeling warm and excited... in just 8.5 hrs I would be hopefully holding and loving on that sweet baby girl, and when she warmed up to me and her new fat fluffy baby I was bringing that wasn't wrapped because it was just a from Nana pressy for no other reason... then I would watch her tear into her birthday gifts... and tonight, I would be sitting with her on my lap hopefully rocking her reading her one of the many books I bought her.
But as I stated, here I sit... and brokenhearted... We only got about an hour an half away when my belly pain was getting worse.. I had ignored it when it started after the first 30 minutes, but by then... I couldn't....I prayed... I held my breath, and finally I told Lorry... this trip can't happen. Once home I immediately took a pain pill, which I had already stopped taking days ago..and went to bed... waking after 10... depressed.
I can handle the fact that I am not getting to see the girls.. but since I can blog freely here... I cant help feel that Cassie will think less of me for not making it. So many of "OUR" issues are about me not doing what I say... (childhood interpretations, and offenses grew) my lack of communicating with her.... the enemy tells me in my mind.. she doesn't even think you got in the car.. she thinks you lied ... or the worse of it all.. it doesn't even matter to her because:
A) I am not her mom
B)She didn't really think I would come anyway
C) There isn't no need for me, they have Joshuas' mom that comes often.

yeah, I live in shadows of hurts from the past... but I know there is deliverance in Jesus.

so.... no baby smooches for me.... and writing this I have started bawling like a silly baby so I will close this off...

WHEW! Life...whatta ride! :o)

The Tree pt 2

Tree is up and some decorations are in place.. I think that this will be all for this year, which still leaves a garage full of villages, and mistletoe. But its' ok.. THIS YEAR
The tree all lit.. some of my pictures looked like dancing music notes. Check out my myspace to see all the pics... :o)
The window.. every since I was a small child at Disneyland, animated windows are my favorite... how I want to own hundreds of figurines and have HUGE windows....one day... maybe.... :o)
As the girls are decorating the tree


I don't even mind the messes that happen as they dig throw the treasured ornaments and delicate homemade art...eventually it all gets done... and it smells pretty, it looks beautiful...and yes Angela, I laid under the tree and watched the lights throw the branches... it did make it magical.

Amazing day out of the HOUSE!

I got out of the house today, and it was amazing! I did finally go and get a tree. Its' filling my house with slight pine as I type this, unfortunately it is still bound up and resting in the tree stand in the kitchen at the moment. I was too tired when we got home from the tree farm to have the girls move the furniture around to set up the tree by the window. My poor little house is crowded so. Oh well, it meets the needs, maybe not the wants but the needs just fine.

Here are the girls out finding the perfect tree...

Well, Sarha thought she was being funny!

I was trying to get the pictures to be in differences places on the layout, but too tired to fuss with it.
So I think I found out that Chloe was born on the 10th, so I was 2 days early. I can't ask, because it could just add a wedge between me and her mom...one that I work so hard on getting rid of it.

After coming home and taking a nap we went to Wal Mart, and I walked the whole store bout. I bought a few groceries, and finally bought Christmas cards. Another year that I haven't gotten around to make some....I envy those that get to craft.
I bought some new sheets... light blue this time... think lighter is better than darker...I also bought a bag of fake apples. They look so pretty. Not sure if I want to add them to the tree, or if I want to make a centerpiece.. will figure that all out soon...i hope. lol

Well, the holiday movies are singing in the other room, and I think I will make myself a cup of coffee and enjoy one or two before bed.

May you have a blessed evening!

Went to church

today I went to church.. first time in over a month I think. It was good to be there. If only I could take the people from here and add a Pastor like the ones I left in Wa. I would be so happy. The church in Wa. didnt always have the friendliest folks... most were, and I did a lot of volunteering at a time and was in quite a few classes, so I knew a lot of people...but there were some that were very hard to read or get to know. But I learned a lot.. the ministry was anointed... not so much at my lil church here... people are amazing.. everything I wanted.. but the teaching is... sadly... stagnant at times...
but it was great to be back, and to of been missed.

Robert strung lights... he did find the staple gun at church.. I knew he would.. I am always doing something there... lol and he finally found the box of lights and extension cords he was missing... so he strung some lights.. he isnt done just yet... but the photos are the beginning of the pre~lit yard...

Lorry is coming to visit next week, I am excited

the grandbaby is one..i missed her birth and her birthday..and to be honest here on theis blog i am not quite sure if her bd is today or was yesterday,,, OH MY...

I am feeling better today...stayed out of bed all day...

still no tree.. tomorrow for sure I told cassandra she is driving me to the Christmas tree lot first thing in the morning.. no more waiting.. haha

a lot in my head.. and yet words dont seem to fit...
think i will get a glass of wine if we have any and go read a bit...

dr visit & sweetest hubby

so I went and had the staples removed.. there is still a hole, so there is drainage ...that I have to take care of daily...GROSS... everything looked well, and I go back next friday. still can't drive or go to work. :o(

anyway, also went and had my eyes checked.. everything looked well, and my diabetes hasn't effected my eyes as of yet..Thank you God!.. I will need glasses, but at 44 I can handle that. haha

the best part of the day is when I came home hubby was decorating the outside for me... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! made my day... then he topped it off by taking me to Lowes and Wal Mart to get some new decorations as well.. so this year for my Christmas pressies from him I received a carousel that has swinging Santa, a penguin, twin snowmen, and a polar bear. He also got me the santa and 3 reindeer on a teeter totter, and a 8' snowman *the air bown ones* ... SO EXCITED!!!!

still no tree up yet, but tomorrow I know we will get one up. YAH!
My oldest Goddaughter talked about liking ot lay under the tree and look at the lights from underneath... I have always liked looking at the tree in the dark... in the quiet and from any angles... this yr I will lay underneath it some to see that direction... usually as soon as the tree is up its filled with pressies... so far I have bought very few this year...I am not sure if I will do colored lights this year or white... guess I will figure that out tomorrow.

ok back to Hancock.. if it wasnt for all the cussing it would be a pretty good movie... i do like that its a different from the normal super hero flicks.. thoughand Will Smith is an amazing actor and nice to look at.. haha

gonna try to look for a tree

spent 20 minutes in the ER this morning... sat up in bed and there was a rush of liquid... seems a staple came loose and allowed the tissue fluid to escape.. Dr. said it happens.. he drained a lot of it.. took the loose staple out, and dressed it... I go see my OB tomorrow...so ?? I am off to have Cass take me to look for a Christmas tree. I have to get one soon, I need the feeling of Christmas to fill this house... think I am starting to get a lil depressed... ok until later...

One week without my uterus

LOL.. whatta tittle... in between sleeping this evening that what I was thinking of.. its' been a week since my surgery...silly me fell asleep with TLC on...and woke to A BABY STORY...so I watched it... then I cried... now at 44 I really don't believe that I would want to have a baby... though I always wanted babies and adopted any and all I cold as even a young kid. Always taking seriously raising, loving, nurturing, directing, children... always letting their parents know I was available for forevers.. haha

But, one week later and I know that I will only ever know the feeling of birthing one child.

I remember when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer 7 yrs ago, and I remember being ready for the surgery and then being HEALED... I thought ...I was going to have another baby or even two.

I am thankful that even with this problem I had, there was NO CANCER, no where... still healed, always healed.. the devil tried to lie but I stood and clung to my Savior...though at times I may of started to waiver a bit, I spoke truth to myself and proclaimed the promises of Jesus.

Today was another reality dose watching the show, no more birth for me... I get to do as I have done pretty much all my life, sit on the sidelines and watch as new life comes around me, be happy for those, and love unconditionally the children that I am blessed with.

Do I feel any less of of a woman? Not really, I am still very swollen and bloated, and the pain is more of discomfort, and it constantly reminds me I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! ha... The actual belly weight right over my incision is most dreadful.

I am thankful ...one week later and I haven't become the bearded fat lady! :O)

Still no Christmas decorations up... Cassandra actually went out and bought herself a tree and some decorations and lights.. YAH! There is hope for my Scrooge of a daughter. LOL

Anyway, I will stop here.. dont think I need to blog hours worth... then again who really reads them? haha

Time for a pill and cuddle with the hubby. Until next blog.

Christmas Excitement and rambles of rabbit trails

As Thanksgiving is now "officially" over, and the family members are packing their cars and heading for home I can only think of how bare my yard and house is. I am one who likes to go overboard. Yes, for years I hear how Christmas has thrown up around me...if Santa wasn't married he should of found me years ago, for I would fit in at the North Pole so well. Hot Chocolate is one of my absolute favorites, I love every cheesy christmas mug I own. Dolls and nut crackers line the shelves, and Nativities all *quauzillion* of them have their special place. I love every twinkle of every light, and to hear christmas music playing warms my heart. Apple spice and pine, and pumpkin filling the air, and crisp clean air around me.

I recently had friends move to Alaska, one of the reasons I am on BLOGGER, I envy them this year, though they just moved there and wont be quite settled as the holidays consume them, but to be in a new place a place like a winter wonderland, especially during this time......SIGH.. I can daydream.

While in the hospital I spent my awake time with HGTV on. EXTREME CHRISTMAS, was my absolute favorite... the houses all decorated and the people that come to look, the faces of the lil kids that look in amazement. I remember seeing Disneyland after dark, the lights, the castle, the windows that told stories and were animated.. there was magic there for a child... a place you never wanted to leave, and waited for some magical dust to come and sprinkle on you so that you could be INSIDE the animation, joining the friends you know by the big screen...( now all available on DVD)

Christmas to me is this time... yes, I know its so commercialized and yes there are arguments that the secular world has made it turn from its meanning ( the meaning the catholic churches gave it to get it away from the pagans) ...but I know the truth... its not really the time of year that Jesus was born, though we celebrate it, and that to me is wonderful!!! I know Jesus was born.... how it happened ...where it happened and to whom... even know a cast of visitors that came through ... I own a Bible and love the story, and love to share that story with anyone who will listen. But I love the beauty of this time of year that people want to be happy and to enjoy each other... it makes me happy to see families gather, and children dressed in bathrobes putting on a play,

As I rabbit trail, my point was and is..every year I anticipate this time of the year.. I have thoughts and plans of grandure..ususally my wallet or my abilities dont hold out...my husband too gets the holiday anxieties because it is on him I dump all the climbing and decorating, and hauling and stringing and checking bulbs to...I await impatiently inside the house for the grand spectacular light show at dusk. His pressure is great, and his headache HUGE.
Every year we say we will pack it different ..get more organized and do better...LOL yep year after year we make those promises only to find that in 365 days we are back to the same promises.

My yard is bare, and I have no tree up. I am sore and tired. I await not so patiently to see if the husband will on his own start to unload and set up, and with each minute he doesnt I try not to resent. How sad it is that I allow that to happen, especially when I know how good he is caring for me after my surgery, how for weeks he has had to carry the load of the housework, laundry, dishes, sit with me at the hospital, worry about my health, keep up his chin and encouragement to be brave for me as I lay weakened and scared... I have such an amazing man, a wonderful husband, I love him with all who I am and even more, for sometimes myself... isnt enough, and he deserves so much better.

I want to give him the gift of freedom ... no decorating, no packing up, but I want the magic of the beauty that it all brings..I want passerbys to smile as they look...for me, Christmas is all about the holiday spirit...
commercialized or not, I want to see elves hammering, bears ice skating, Santas HO HO HO'ing, and reindeer flying...
I want to see Bethlehem come to live in my yard, and baby Jesus surrounded by the worship of love, I want to see the cross that tried to take his life...empty because he is no longer on the cross but alive ...sitting at the right hand of God...I want twinkles and sparkles, and glistening snow... snowglobes filled with scenes that I have in smaller versions around my house....

We will see how this year fans out...I am missing it right now, but thankful for everything else....looking for the holiday magic.
If there isnt a spig of mistletoe up or a holly tied with ribbon, if sugar plums and gingerbreads are left unmade...I will survive...I know I will....
giving him the gift of no decorating is could just be the best gift of love I present him with this year....

things to ponder... things to wonder.....

First Blog

I started this account because I come often to read about my oldest Goddaughter and her family. I have a couple of friends who are blogging and I want to keep up on life ...I like to blog, though some of my blogs have caused havoc with people I love, misinterpretations and offenses caused me a lot of distress...so this may be the solution.
Actually I wanted to comment on a friends page and needed an account...so...here I am!


here is long catch up on my last few days...i just had a hysterectomy the day before thanksgiving and blogged about it on myspace.. so I will add it here as well.

...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

awake took a hydro and thought i would write a few Current mood: awake Category: but staring to get tired... so I am home what a ride this has been... whats' i like to be healthy? how long has it been that I have really been? that would probably be years.. since I was / am a diabetic that lived in denial for so long...not anymore new stance on it all do my best to get and be and stay healthy spendng a toal of two weeks in the hospital during these three times.. having the drs. scare me thinking I wasn't coming home at one point...to this awful pain i have in my gut from the operation they had to split me :O( dr. said you had a HUGE uterus...not Guinness world record huge but close *??* um ok... that must be big.. I got on the scale hoping to have lost like 5lbs from this HUGE uterus being gone..and it said I GAINED 5 lbs!! What the heck is that? Especially if you saw how I was fed there..I should of lost 8!! I am hoping it is swelling and the medicine ball they had attached to me...LOL.. ok so I will weigh in a week and see what the results are they took it all. and no I didnt ask why.. I figure...why not? so I will have to maybe shave my chin instead of pluck now...um..oh well...I am old I dont shave my legs every day like I did when I was young...so it will all even out I had my surgery the day before turkey day...laying in bed I thought of all the many things I am thankful for...there is so much.... you have to sometimes stop and look to see some of them....the simplest things...a new bud coming up on a flower...how a duck waddles i cried at dinner time on turkey day..the food was sad and small and tasteless, i called work to see how well they rocked the kitchen and they did a FANTASTIC job from what I hear...and can't wait to actually talk to the girls and see that their personal experiences were I wondered how Sis did on cooking her first turkey dinner...did they take pictures? Did Noah eat with them...how excited Chloe was to have her daddy home???? I had hopped on here late last night hoping she had blogged about it...but no such luck,,,but that is ok..cause I am hoping they are enjoying their time together and making more grand babies! :OD Pretty much giving up on Elaine for at least another 5 yrs. *sigh* think Cassandra might even beat her..LOL SO Black friday... I have on a handful of times went out & enjoyed Black fridays' madness...last yr Lorry and I went most of the day... I awoke at 4am... ( like a natural clock) and called Lorry who was already joining the madness at her local wal mart so she could partake in buying the family Christmas pressie and saving over $500. ...( she got it!)...I joked and said I should roll myself down to the gift shop there in the lobby and see if they opened for Black Friday!!! lol that is a good suggestion! Hahaha so needless to say I did not partake...but best news I got to come home this is the best news cause I get to see and spend time with all the family, I met the two newest additions and what a sweetie the 5mo. baby is...my sister bought her gt grand baby the walker jungle thingy that Chloe has... so it was fun to see her in it...feet on a pillow ( just like Chloe, who will probably always need a pillow...lol) hearing the jungle sounds and seeing her eyes take it all in... seeing the 2 oldest gt grand kids sit in the floor and watch...and play... made me happy. It was all in all a good day pretty much my genetic gene pool all gathered around, getting along and enjoying each other... Hydros and Ibuprofen my drs. choice of drug for me..I am taking half the required dose of the silly hydros.. half works..and I dont wanna get any sort of addicted I had a medicine ball attached to my belly that was shooting in lanacaine (?) when the pouch was empty I was to take it ut.. that was weird and cool .. 400 feet of tiny tubing was in my belly...ok not really 400...but at least a foot on one side...it was pretty odd to undo all the tape and pull it out...it was a happy moment cause every now and then I would forget to put the strap on and stand to walk and the ball would fall..OUCH...well, how I MISS that medicine!!!! you read right...it made a difference! ok folks.. I woke at 4 to take a IB and again at 6 for my hydro... been on here about 20 minutes or so...think i will attempt to waddle back to my bed..and sleep...did I mention how wonderful my hunny is?? He has been a trooper through this all... he is even sleeping on the couch so not to disturb me... whatta man!!! :o) ok peace love & chicken grease to all my peeps... and thank you ....THANK YOU for all your prayers... I could feel the peace of God over me...and funny thing... right before they wheeled me in... you know when your kissing your hubby knowing that there is a chance it will be the last time and all your emotions are going haywire..I cried ...became emotional... saw a tad of fear in Robs eyes as he encouraged me and stayed strong and positive...even griping about how uncomfortable the chairs in the waiting area was LOL.. once I was wheeled in...they sort of "left" me by a door...while everyone was busy around me...not so much with me...but around the nurses station...I just quoted some scripture... said another lil prayer and knew that there was many around the US praying for me...and just like that a calmness and peace washed over me like a blanket, and then they covered me with a hot blankie OOOOOOH love those! gave me the happy shot and I was waking up in my room before I even knew it... so thank you my loved ones... think i will copy this and post on facebook... there are a few not on here that are on there... :o) *muah!*